I have been thinking a lot lately about why I have chosen this crazy art journey. But, the more I think about it, the more I realise, it chose me.
There has never really been a time when I didn't think about it. I can remember being very small, questioning my parents carpet choices. I literally had a visceral reaction to colours, patterns and textures that just didn’t work for me.
I couldn’t stand mess, colours that clashed (not good clash, I mean actual clash clash), textures that didn’t feel right. I was always in craft and fabric stores with my mum, a keen crafter and seamstress. I couldn’t believe some of the textiles that we were on offer.
Through the sea of browns and oranges of the early 80’s, I chose pink and white. My bedroom must be pink and white at all costs. At just 6 years old (Maybe earlier) I hand selected every item, to create the bedroom of my dreams. I would have to live with the multi-coloured brown, orange and white streaked carpet I guess. What was mum thinking?
I didn’t know that other kids weren’t lining up their stuffed toys, still with tags on, in colour order. I didn’t know they all weren’t matching their frilled bed valance with their display pillows. Or that they weren’t also making a small pop of colour allowance for their Rainbow Bright doll and Birthday Bear Care bear.
Later on when I was in my teens, I spent a large portion of my time thinking I was strange for having these thoughts. I tried to be ok with things that didn’t go together, that I was considering every element of a room when I was in it, I tried to push my love of art, and design to the side. But it kept pushing its way through. It kept giving me reasons to keep making, keep drawing.
I just simply can’t un-see beauty everywhere. I can’t un-see how we are all beautiful, even though we are all a bit awkward in our own way, and it is that awkward beauty that makes us human, and amazing.
Over the years I found my people. People who could also see the smallest detail that threw the whole thing off. The wrong shade of green. The double space. I observed them adding a slight bit of tension into a design, and making it work. It is this that I am constantly chasing. The ability to be awkward or let something just be as it is, and show the world that it is still beautiful.
I have recently realised it is a visual representation of how I have felt in this world for most of my life. A bit awkward. Not quite fitting in. I have contorted myself into the shape of a person that would fit into this world. I don't think I am alone. I think a lot of us do this. Art has given me a way to just be me, without having to change, to make others comfortable with who I am. It is freeing in a way I can't explain.
Overcoming perfectionism and people pleasing, has been at the centre of my creative practise. I am on a journey to paint awkwardness into my art, and show the beauty in the strange, the different and the unique. Art gives me an outlet to paint the things I can’t express any other way. It is a tool to help me through some of life's challenges. I have been trying for a long time to make my art fit as well.
I am on a journey to create honest art, and share art with others, and on the way I want to help as many people as I can tap into their creativity. I believe that it can open us up in ways we can’t even imagine.
Maybe creativity is choosing you too.
To join me on my quest to help everyone tap into their creativity, get in touch here hello@vanessamaver.com or find a workshop at https://www.vanessamaverart.com/